wow...

So, I have been about as big a slacker as you can be with this blog, but in some ways, I give myself an excuse (or a couple of them). I moved 1,200 miles away, started graduate school, met a whole new wonderful circle of friends, and have been trying to celebrate and live consciously in all of these exciting and new moments.

It would be too hard to sum up all of the events that have taken place since June, but my life since then has been very wonderful and constantly changing. I am learning how to grow up and be even more of myself, and I have been learning how to take all of the changes in stride and how to love them and appreciate them for all of the beauty I witness in them. It has truly been a growing and blossoming experience.

John and I have just taken this huge leap of faith together, and I feel it has strengthened our bond even more. We are as in love as we have ever been, if not more, and every day to me feels like a new adventure together. He's my rock, and my best friend, and for that I am more thankful than I can put into words.

And school...graduate school is nothing like what I had expected. While it's still a ton of work and lots of reading and studying (and I've only had two weeks of classes thus far), it's so much more introspective than I had anticipated. We are doing a lot of soul-searching and meditative exercises, which I am very happy about. At our orientation, they told us as students we would not be the same people five years from now. I can't wait to meet that person down the road, that person who is better able to help herself and others, and can understand and problem-solve in a different way, all the while being more empathic and compassionate than she is now. It makes me very happy and hopeful for the journey, and excited about the outcome. But I will take all of it in for what it is worth, and remember that the road being traveled on is the outcome, in essence. After all, in life there are no practice runs -- this is the real thing, and that means I have to appreciate all that I am living to its fullest, because I won't get this time back.

So, that has been what's on my mind. I have been stressed, and sometimes I feel sleep-deprived and resentful for scheduling an 8:15am class, when I have to wake up at 6am to take the train to school. But I always remember -- I am in Chicago, I am living out my dream, and I am incredibly lucky to have this chance. Not only is school wonderful, but the neighborhood where John and I live is also amazing. I have found a yoga studio nearby that I try to go to as much as possible, because taking care of my own mind and body is very important at this stage in the game. We have shops and restaurants galore surrounding us when we walk outside the front door, and even though we certainly don't have the money to eat out or buy things, we can take full advantage of the free festivals, the window-shopping, and people-watching that this city has to offer. It is a wonderful experience, and I feel so happy for taking the leap and moving here to follow my dreams. It has been (and is) the most rewarding experience of my life.

bikes, bikes, bikes

Oh, how I love riding my bike. I don't even really mind riding my bike in the rain, as I so joyfully got to do on Wednesday of this week. :)

But, I do have one slight problem. I want a road bike. My Schwinn cruiser is awesome and all, but it's heavy, with big, clunky 'ol tires and altogether wrong for my current terrain and the terrain I will be biking on in Chicago.

But...(oh, how I love these catch-22's) I don't have money for a road bike, since they are notorious for costing a fortune; even the used newbie-style bikes without any of the top-notch products or add-ons are rumored to be in the $200's and $300's, easily. And I won't get much on a trade-in with my Schwinn, considering it was purchased at Target for $130 or so.

Hopefully, I will find a great sale on craigslist or even at a bike shop around town. I wouldn't even mind waiting until we get to Chicago in August to trade in my bike somewhere and get a better deal on a road bike. I just know that my current bike will not do me justice in a big city, where I have to move fast and try not to run the risk of getting hit by a car. Maybe I should be looking into purchasing a helmet too... :)



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In other news in my life, the trip to Miami and Chicago are only a day away!! I haven't even started packing...

We leave tomorrow to head down to South Beach, where we'll stay with John's sis, Hillary, while John completes his first phase in the Sommelier certification, his first Sommelier class and test. Then, on Tuesday, we'll drive back up to Orlando, stay with John's mom overnight (my family will be out of town -- ALL of them! Mom will be in New Orleans with Grammy, and Alex and Dad are in GA already, with my two uncles - Michael and Marcus, Grandpa, and my cousin, Tyler...a guys week in the mountains). We'll be flying out of Orlando on Wednesday night, getting to Chicago sometime around 10pm, and waking up the following morning to begin our hunt for the perfect apartment. Well, we're not caring so much about perfection for our first one. We just want it to be cheap, have enough walking, sleeping, eating, etc. space, and be accessible to everything, including transportation and my school (along with where John will end up working). I made an appointment with the so-called "free" Apartment People, who will supposedly take us around town and show us at least 4-8 apartments within our price range and with the amenities we want. I guess having three cats will play a role in where we will be able to stay, but I wouldn't trade those 3 darling kitties for anything in the world. I don't mind paying a little extra for them. <3

I'm excited though! I've already got the names, addresses, and numbers of who to contact for 15 other apartments around the Lincoln Park and Lakeview areas, so I definitely feel we will be able to find something and apply/get approved for something during the 3 days we'll be up there. It will be possibly nerve-wrecking, but exciting -- the story of my life for the past couple of months.

I just keep reminding myself not to freak out everyday, and to take in every moment as it comes. Worrying does nothing except make me feel as though all my nerves are shot, and I do better when I just think about the here-and-now, rather than the future events. Sometimes, I find myself worrying about crazy imaginary scenarios, like what I'll do during the winter in Chicago, or what if something happens to my family when I'm so far away, or if they're all in Japan and I get hurt in Chicago. It's crazy, because they're all stories I make up in my own head. I guess in part it's because a small part of me is nervous, and it's also because everything is so unknown in this process. I'm not sure what to expect from graduate school, I have no idea at this moment where we will be living in a month and a half, and who's to say where I will be mentally, physically, emotionally in three, six, nine, or 12 months from now?! But, the more and more I dwell on it, I'm able to fully feel my emotions on it, and let them slowly fall away. I want this whole journey to be exciting, and while I know nothing will be perfect about it, I want to learn from it and do the best I can while I'm in it. My memories are what I get to take and keep with me, so they're the most important ability I have at this moment -- besides John. He has been and is my rock and steady arm through all of this. I feel so grateful that we are doing this together. I feel much more calm knowing that he is in my future. :)

So, while I get ready for our week off searching and exploring various cities and new homes, I will keep in the back of my head our to-do's for when we're back because that'll start the next phase of packing, more organizing, and getting ready for our hike in July! I'm super psyched about our Appalachian Trail trek again this year, and so happy that John, Alex, Liam, and maybe even Zach, will be coming along with Hannah, Donnie, and I. I feel like this will be the start to a family tradition that we will keep going every year. Plus, I get to use my brand-new Kelty pack for the first time! Yay!

So, I really have a lot to be thankful for and be looking forward to. My summer is only just beginning and believe me, I will probably have a million stories to tell by the end of it all. But for the time being, I want to sit back and relax, and relish in the moment(s) I have today, because, god, it sure is beautiful. <3

past week excitement!

So, the past week and a half has been wonderful in more ways than one! First of all, I went to Key West with my mom for three days, and we had such a blast. We both tried mojitos for the first time, saw Sex & the City (which I absolutely loved...more on that later), did a nighttime kayaking tour, and basically just all-around had a great, bonding, mom/daughter adventure that we can remember fondly when we get sad or lonely in our respective cities. The main reason we decided to escape and do this was because we know that we are, in most ways, each others' best friend, and we know that we'll really miss each other's company, knowing we'll probably only see about two or three times a year.

Even that possibility has been compromised slightly by a job offer my dad received at Disney - of going to Tokyo, Japan for three years and be a director in his field! Which, by the way, is a really good promotion in his field of work. I'm really happy for him, but it's such a huge commitment and so very, very far away. My mom is trying to be open to the idea, but she hates the idea of leaving me in Chicago, which will be new for John and I, and having to take Alex out of a high school that he loves and already has a close-knit group of friends at. My dad is also wanting to set rules and restrictions with Disney if they do send him there, like maybe making it a one-year commitment instead of three, and making sure they provide a house and schooling for Alex, along with plane tickets so I can visit at least twice a year. I am excited about the potentiality of seeing Tokyo and becoming more cultured and everything, but I'm sad at the possibility of not seeing my parents and my little brother, whom I've also grown closer and closer with. It's scary, but yet exciting. I feel as though lately I have felt more ambivalent emotions at the same time that it almost makes me confused as to what I really am feeling.

As far as the move to Chicago goes, I would say I'm about 75% excited, 20% scared/nervous, and 5% worried. I try not to dwell on it, so that helps with my worrying constantly about it, but when I let myself think about it for too long, list after list pops into my head with what I need to do next, what I should be packing, and the companies and people I need to call to arrange appointments relating to an apartment, the moving truck, et cetera. It almost makes me feel crazy! I've made so many lists for what we need to sell because there is so much crap and excess furniture in the apartment. I've put posts on craigslist, but not everything sells as easily here, especially since Gainesville is sans the majority of students right now. I need to start packing, going through books, clothes, junk, papers...John and I still have to find an apartment, but we'll be leaving in a week and a half to search Chicago for three days. (We feel it's better to find it in person than signing a year away [and thousands of dollars] to a place that may look nothing like posted pictures.) I just feel so overwhelmed sometimes that I just wish it was all already over, and that we were at July 31st, packing up the truck, and driving 1,000 miles north to begin a new life.

But...I know none of that is possible. I know that I won't actually know for sure whether my family is going to Tokyo for sure until the end of June. But I do know that no matter what happens, everything will work out. We'll somehow manage to have enough money to do all this and come out shining, because I have always managed to do that so far. (I have to be optimistic because it's the only way to keep my sanity.) So, while I had a wonderful break in Key West with my mama, got to relax at home with my dad for his 47th birthday, spend some great time with my family yesterday at our annual pig roast, and love on John for the past couple of days, I know that reality is just around the corner. But, we will survive it all, even the most hectic and crazy of days, and I will have many stories to tell when things settle down.

This summer still has so much in store, and even with everything going on, I am really happy that it is summer...my last one while living in Florida, at least for the next five years. I get to hike the A.T. again this summer, with John and my brother, along with other family members. I'll get to drive across the country (again with John, obviously, and my brother) when we make the big move, and see states like Kentucky, Tennessee, and southern Illinois. I'll be starting at a graduate school in the field I really love, and John will (hopefully!) be a sommelier and get a job in a great restaurant or with a great company.

More to come later...snuggling with John must ensue and has taken priority. Peace!

tranquility

Right now, at this moment, I feel at peace. I usually feel this way after ending a meditation, which I have just done (one for the chakras, specifically). I love the way my body feels and the way my mind can concentrate and focus during meditation, and usually subsequently after. However, I want this feeling to continue on throughout the rest of the day...

While doing my meditation, a revelation came to me -- something that I have thought of and pondered before, but it just came with such force that I thought I should share...for every breath we breathe in, that clean mix of oxygen and nitrogen, among other gases, our body knows instinctively to fuel our body and release carbon dioxide, a change of gases within our own system! Chemistry happening at its best. And while I was focusing on my breath and letting it become my area of concentration, I could feel my heart thump in my chest. I have been experiencing gas pains in my chest and stomach area since yesterday morning when I woke up, and while I meditated, they went away. I could feel my heart pumping away, giving my blood a richness with that oxygen I'm breathing in...and it just came to me. Our bodies are such awesome miracles. I have always felt this way, and I feel I've always known, at least in the core of myself, that we truly are fortunate to have these amazing, functioning external shells. I like realizing it more often though, as it makes me more appreciative of what I have. It's perplexing to me when people want to starve themselves or overeat either out of feelings or pressure. If we really stop and think about it, shouldn't we be providing this wonderful miracle the most healthy and natural foods we can? I'm not vegetarian anymore, even though I was for like 3-4 years before stopping. It's been about 10 months that I've been off the "vegetarian" wagon, but I'm starting to consider hopping back on it again. Chicken occasionally is fine by me, and fish is wonderfully delicious and healthy, but a lot of things like milk, cheese, ice cream -- they have been my downfalls, and usually the kinds of food that make me not feel so great after I eat it.

Anyhow, all this food talk is irrelevant today. I am doing a water fast until tomorrow morning, mostly because I've been in pain due to - I'm guessing - gas pains. I feel this heaviness in my chest, accompanied by some sharp pains, and I know this is TMI, but I've been burping more than I normally do, which is already a lot! Blah. I figure this fast today should maybe help even some things out and give my digestive system a little break. I did eat spicy curry chicken before all this pain began, so I would like for my body to forgive me. :)

first blog!

Wow. So, I haven't blogged in a really long time, but this is now my new tool for staying in touch with my friends I don't get to see regularly, since I will be moving to a new state in the next couple of months. That's right. I'll be moving from good 'ole Florida (which I really do love dearly, especially the weather) to the infamous Windy City, a place of culture, diversity, and the Chicago Cubs, haha. I'm so excited for my transition because not only will my best friend and lover, John, be coming with me, but I'll be embarking on the degree I've been wishing and hoping for, my doctorate in psychology at the Adler School of Professional Psychology. It's a private, non-profit school, which makes me happy, knowing that all my loans and money will be going towards a good cause. It's also one of the only graduate schools in the country that incorporates a community service practicum into their program, where you are actually required to work for the community and for the local good of your neighbors by writing grants, getting laws or rules passed, organizing charity events, et cetera. I am so psyched that I'll be part of such a large community who all have the same beliefs and morals I do, as far as responsibility goes for the society that we live in. That's one of the attributes that drew me into this school and this program, and one of the things that sets it apart from other grad schools in the same field of study. Not to mention, they won an award from the APA for that aspect of their program.

Anyhow, other than bragging about my new school, I have a lot to say. However, at the moment I am tired and I have to be going to sleep soon, as I have work early in the morning. Luckily, I only work two days this week, as I am heading back to home (Kissimmee) on Thursday to leave to go to Key West with my mama! We are having a mother/daughter weekend in the Keys, and we plan on getting massages, watching the new S&TC movie, and doing a little kayaking also. I'm so looking forward to it! Also, my dad's birthday is next week as well, so I plan to celebrate that with them when Mom and I get back into town. Well, I will (hopefully) remember to update before then. Ta-ta for now!

Love and peace.